(WM1 - gold covers face. WM2 - white beard. WM3 - Short black beard!)
WM1: Ahem
MC : Waaah (MC falls off her seat in surprise!) Who are you?
WM1: We are 3 wise men
MC : What?
WM2 : We are 3 wise men
MC : Well what are you doing creeping around a cow shed at 2 O'clock in the morning. That doesn't sound very wise to me.
WM3: We are astrologers.
WM1: We have come from the east.
MC2: Is this some kind of joke?
WM1: We wish to praise the infant.
WM: We must pay homage to him.
MC: Homage? You're drunk. It's disgusting. Out. The lot, out. Bursting in here with tales about oriental fortune tellers. Come on, out.
(The three look quite confused at this reception, but back away all the same.!)
WM1: Nono, we must see him.
MC: Go and praise someone elses brat. Go on.
WM1: We, we were led by a star.
MC: Lead by a bottle more like, go on out.
WM1: But we must see him, we have brought presents.
MC: Out.
WM1 Gold, frankincence, mhyrr.
(MC of course beckons them in at the mention of these gifts.)
MC: Well why didn't you say, he's over there. Sorry the place is a bit of a mess. Well, what is mhyrr anyway?
WM1 It is a valuable balm.
MC: A balm, what are you giving him a balm for, it might bite 'im.
WM1: What?
MC: That's a dangerous animal. Quick, throw it in the trough.
WM1: No it isn't.
MC: Yes it is, it's great big
(drastically changes her appearance to look like a great big <=
mm>!)
WM3: Nonono, it is an ointment
MC: Awww. There is an animal called a balm, or did I dream it?
So you're astrologers are you? Well what is he then?
WM2: Hmm?
MC: What star sign is he?
WM2: Uhhh. Capricorn.
MC: Uhhh. Capricorn, eh? What are they like?
WM2: He is the son of God, our messiah.
WM1: King of the jews
MC: So that's capricorn, is it?
WM2: Nonono, that's just him.
MC: Awww. I was gonna say, otherwise there'd be a lot of them.
WM1 By what name are you calling him?
MC: Uh. Brian.
WMen: We worship you, oh Brian who are lord over us all. Praise unto you
Brian, and to the lord, our father. Amen.
MC: You do a lot of this then?
WM2: What?
MC: This praising.
WM2: No no, no no.
MC: Well, if you're dropping by again, do pop in, huh. And thanx a lot
for the gold, and frankincence, but don't worry too much about the
mhyrr next time all right, huh? Thank you. Good bye. Well, weren't
they nice, hmm. Out of their bloody minds, still...
(The wise men ventuer outside, and stop suddenly at the doorway.They then return to MC, and proceed to take back their presents, as she talks to Brian. WM3 pushes her back over as he takes his gift!. To the sound of angelic musiv, we see the wise men o
utside where they can see another cow shed with a few people with strange bright light coming from their heads. The scene changes back to MC: in the shed with her son.!)
Brian: Waaah.
MC: Shaddup
(The feverish mind of Mr. Terry Gilliam takes over for the opening credits which I'm not even going to attempt to describe!)
Brian. The babe they call Brian
He grew. Grew grew and grew,
Grew up to be, grew up to be
A boy called Brian
A boy called Brian
He had arms and legs and hands and feet
This boy whose name was Brian
And he grew, grew, grew and grew
Grew up to be
Yes he grew up to be
A teenager called Brian
A teenager called Brian
And his face became spotty
Yes, his face became spotty
And his voice dropped down low
And things started to grow
On young Brian and so
He was certainly no
No girl named Brian
Not a girl named Brian
And he started to shave
And have one off the wrist
And want to see girls
And go out and get pissed
A man called Brian
This man called Brian
The man they call Brian
This man called Brian